To understand if they are the right person to tell your story
Choosing a wedding photographer is one of the most delicate decisions in the entire planning process.
Not because it is the most complex, but because it is the one that lasts. When everything else has faded—flowers, details, fleeting moments—photographs remain. They continue to speak, long after the day itself has passed.
And yet, many of the first questions couples ask are not the ones that truly help them understand whether they are facing the right person. They are meant to reassure, to compare, to create order. Rarely do they help with recognition.
This article begins here. Not to suggest what to ask in order to “choose better,” but to help you understand how to listen.
Questions are not meant to compare, but to recognise
When meeting different photographers, it is natural to want to compare. Questions become a kind of grid, a way to line up answers and make sense of them.
The risk is that two very different people may respond in similar ways, creating a sense of clarity that is only superficial.
The most meaningful questions are not those that produce clear-cut answers, but those that open a conversation. They are not meant to establish who is “better,” but to understand how someone sees a wedding, and how they move within it.
Talking about presence before photography
A wedding day is not made only of visible moments. There are pauses, silences, transitions, and fragile situations that do not ask to be photographed, but respected.
Understanding how a photographer approaches these phases often reveals more than any portfolio.
Asking how they experience a wedding day from beginning to end, how they move during preparations, or how they approach intimate moments helps you sense their level of presence, discretion, and awareness.
It is not about control, but about understanding whether their way of being among people feels right for you.
Reading the language of images, not the labels
Many couples look for answers through the idea of “style.” It is understandable, but often misleading. Words are convenient containers, yet they rarely explain how images truly come to life.
It is more revealing to understand whether a photographer tends to observe or to guide, whether they allow things to unfold or intervene to shape them, whether their work is built on time and waiting or on constant direction.
These differences do not define right or wrong choices, but they describe the kind of experience you will live during the day.
The human relationship as part of the story
A photographer is one of the most constant presences at a wedding. They are there during moments of focus, tension, and emotion, often closer than one might expect.
For this reason, the human relationship is not secondary, but an integral part of the final narrative.
Understanding how someone communicates, listens, adapts to unexpected situations, or responds to changes in rhythm helps you imagine what it will feel like to have them beside you.
In the end, photographs are also the result of this invisible balance.
The questions that reassure, but explain little
Some questions are legitimate and common: how many photographs will be delivered, what equipment is used, whether a strict timeline is followed.
They help couples feel organised, but they rarely reveal how a wedding will truly be experienced and interpreted.
They clarify practical aspects, but they say little about how someone reacts to the unexpected, reads a moment, or builds a story over time.
Listening to the answers matters more than the questions
At this point, it becomes clear that questions are only part of the process. The other, perhaps more important part, is listening.
The tone of the answers, the openness to explain, the ability to speak clearly without rigidity often reveal far more than any list.
Very often, the right choice is not the one that convinces immediately, but the one that leaves a sense of calm—as if something has been understood before it needed to be explained.
A final reflection
Choosing a photographer does not mean finding all the answers, but recognising a way of seeing that feels close to you.
Questions serve this purpose: not to remove every doubt, but to guide you toward a conscious choice, made with attention and trust.
